Community Corner

When Faux Jewelry is Really Faux: The Worst Christmas Gifts Ever

We asked for the biggest flops from beneath the tree, and Patch readers delivered.

We laughed, we winced, we instinctively began to search for a gift receipt.

Patch asked you to share the stories of your Worst Christmas Gift Ever on our Facebook pages, and you obliged with some real winners (losers, that is).

And if you've got some holiday gift horror stories, it's not too late to share them with us. Just post a comment at the bottom of this story and let us hear your tale of the ugly tie, the sweater you can't bear to take out the closet, or other Christmas gift gaffes.

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Fashion trend-setters

Kristen Kvool Martin, Port Washington: “When I was a kid, probably about 11 or 12, my older brother pulled a pair of my dirty underwear out of my clothes hamper, wrapped it up and gave it to me as a Christmas gift. I eagerly unwrapped it at our family Christmas gathering, only to become quickly dismayed at what I'd found. He thought he was being uproariously funny.”

Wendy Harder, Sussex: “I like to think I keep up with the latest fashion trends, therefore when I received a muumuu (pronounced moo moo, also worn by Helen Roper on "Three's Company") for Christmas I thought it was a joke!” she wrote us. “It was not. Thanks Mom!”

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Lori Saqer, Shorewood: Lori wrote us to say that the worst gift she EVER received — hands-down — was a set of beige-colored magnetic shoe insoles.

Love, exciting and new

Ellie Pearson, Wauwatosa: A now ex-boyfriend once tried to rev Ellie’s engine. Literally. He gave her jumper cables. “He lived with me for nine years, but left several years ago,” she wrote us. “Still, some gifts were never to be forgotten. Another Christmas, he gave me a storm door.”

Sara Conrad, Shorewood: Sara is , but even she knows that cheap is not always better. “One year I thought my then-boyfriend was going to propose ... so did my friend & family,” she wrote us. “Well ... I opened a ring box on Christmas all right ... and inside was a Ring Pop. SO. NOT. FUNNY. Suffice it to say, we broke up shortly thereafter.”

Colleen McGuigan, Menomonee Falls: “My father once gave my mother a 10-pound box of laundry detergent,” she wrote us. “For the record, later in the gift-giving, she did also get a music box, but she was so mad at him over the laundry detergent, she didn't appreciate it much.”

Jenny McCoy, Shorewood: Jenny is the understanding wife of our excellent Shorewood Patch Local Editor, Adam McCoy. He stumbled one year at Christmas by gifting a novel by Danielle Steele. “I had never read her books before so, I don’t know what he was thinking!” she wrote.

E. Jason Godersky, Port Washington: Jason was succinct: “My divorce papers. Hooooooray.”

Gifts that defy description

Mary Louise Semo-Jensen, Menomonee Falls: “A trash compactor so the garbage I carry out is now 10 times heavier.”

Melissa Redmond, Port Washington: Melissa has been the recipient of some winners: the Egg Genie, a heart-shaped gem calculator and a headless Marilyn Monroe jewelry tree, among others.

Sara Coe Baumann, Port Washington: Sara’s story is one that could scar you for life. “When I was younger, Cabbage Patch Kids were new and THE present to get,” she wrote us. “So [I] asked (and probably begged a little too) for weeks for one. Well, when Christmas morning arrived and that Cabbage Patch Kid not-quite-rectangular shaped package was under the tree, I was over the moon!! Until I opened it. ... My Grandfather thought it would be funny to make a doll out of an ACTUAL head of cabbage for me!! Not only was I sad, I was pretty freaked out too!!”

Sofia Reino Kinch, Sussex: “Some very ornate gold candle holders from someone who knows VERY well and that our style is ultra modern and we do not own anything gold color.”

Stacie Nelson, Port Washington: Stacie felt like she had plenty to choose from, but shared this gem: “Last year I received from my father's long time girlfriend an envelope filled with coupons,” she wrote us. “You know the ones you get in store or mail from Bath & Body, Kohl’s, Boston Store ... yup, nothing says Merry Christmas [more] than $10 off your next purchase.”

We've been there, too

Our final terrible gift comes from one of our own. Menomonee Falls Local Editor Carl Engelking was once a spry 7-year-old who adored the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. What he did NOT adore was “a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle sweater that was patterned after a turtle shell and had the logo embroidered on it,” he wrote. “I loved the TMNTs, but that sweater was horrible. I would have much rather had Leonardo's swords or nun chucks.”


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